TO LET GO

Beautiful 

For some reason, I tend to open up at night. A lot of my feelings are exposed as to what’s going on in life, how things are, relationships, and all that other good stuff. What’s best is that I’m able to comfortably share these talks with good friends. It gets things off my chest and it’s always nice to know that they’re listening.

Im a coward , I really am . Why ? I bought something tht I thought he might like ? and .and.. I wrapped it up nicely and even bought a bow? how pathethic pearl chua ?!  wrote a special note and put it together with the so called special gift .and then a few weeks later before his birthday . I thought to myself . Pearl, what are u doing ? no seriously ? are u just gonna go up to him and then present tht gift to him? wht would he think of u ? ! insanity .. maybe he would think im a big crazy person obsessed over him ! nah.. went home , looking at the nicely tied ribbon, I tore the present wrappers , took the gift and left it on my dressing table . and had a feeling of regret .. I repeat . im goin crazy.

Just because ure single, doesnt mean u have to be desperate

To let go, I think Im not ready to do tht . seriously.Deep down in my heart. I want to get to know him more . My goal is 4 HDs !! I believe I can achieve that !! In a few years time , I want to let go of everything .I want to go to the UNIVERSITY OF THE WEST OF ENGLAND , BRISTOL babeh ! I believe I can do tht . there's so many people in my life who inspired me to go there . Some of them are Seng Han koko and Tim koko, they seem perfect .

I fall in love with the thoughts of being with someone so quickly . I dont know what to do . No. I will not be in a relationship . Sir , Mr dharminder . I promised u . *grins* I think too far into the future , I just cant keep up. Maybe cuz Im a lil bit too mature .You felt like my future when I think of you , now you finally felt like my past. But I cant help thinking why u weren't in my present .

No not really * laughs non stop*

So to let go, hmm, I let go of my first semester , now tht the 2nd semester is here so suddenly, I dont really know where to start ..So much to do , so little time .. feelings . u player . I hate chu ! stop playing with me .

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Feelings. ure so naughty. Why do I have feelings? He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

okie , Semester 2 , here I come !

The face of mine in the morning

                                        okie dokie, gotta sleep , take care ;)

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

Dear friends, we stick together no matter what happens 

we will survive guys , I believe we can..

Holla, today imma blog about the situation my committee is facing ..we are facing a big CRISIS .money . the problem is money .Sir , we know how u feel...I feel down and sad . Ogod , if money didnt exist in this world ..I hope we can achieve our target .

But its really hard ..within a few weeks to get tht amount of money.

I want to have lil cute descriptions of the people I worked with for the past few months in my sports committee.

1.How I got into the committee?

Natalie Han , my high school babe led me into joining this special committee. One day, after a long conversation in KFC about funny funny things. Natalie said she gotta leave for a meeting and so I asked to joined her and to see whts this COMMITTEE was about ..

2. First impression ?

Hmm, serious .serious.serious. the committee gave me a sense of responsibility. The people there were full of joy. I decided to join them . The lecturers were strict with dignity and somehow very passionate and had their own goals. The members were fun .oyea did I mention fun, and always joked alot..

3. People I first met ?

Wen Kiat. He's funny and abit amusing .

4. What made me join the commitee?

Natalie's powerpoint presentation. She blew me away. I thought to myself ..I want to be like her one day. So presentable and courageous..and so so intelligent . I also wanted to join a committee related to events . and not to forget the lecturer's commands .I sort of wanted to do things I never accomplished before and now I could see where I stand .

5. Members who cooperated with me ? (with pics of doggies to illustrate them )

Boey koko. soo cute ;)

-Boey koko, hmm, he's like a big brother to me, he taught me lots of things and He's mixed. Boey Zhi Chong. At first glance, i thought he was a Malay, turns out tht he's a Chindian. I guessed correctly tht he was half chinese and half something.*smiles* At first, I thought he was the cold type but then I came to realise tht he was a warm fellow . Someone tht u could trust. He's also very smart and get things done quickly, very efficient. I could also tell him things I never tell anyone else. Very grateful to be able to meet such a nice person.Hmm, throughout the times, I think he's an organized person with the happy go lucky personality. He is never selfish and likes to put others first b4 himself. He gives really good suggestions . Hes simple and cheerful. Holy cow. Its hard to describe him in words . Id rather say hes such a good friend.

Wen Kiat *ruff ruff*

-Next up is Wen Kiat, *laughs continuosly* . Hes very funny and so very amusing. Loves to tell jokes. Rants alot. Makes fun of people. Caring . Kind. Hilarious. Strong build and equipped with intelligence upon first glance..But then people, dont be fooled . He may not be what u think he is . Loves to fool around but somehow very serious lookin and strict when it comes to work. Responsible and likeable. 

Manisha and Shalini

- Both of them are very feminine in a way . Lol. I love Manisha's accent . She's elegant and intelligent. She's very pretty too. I love both of their eyelashes .They're so long . Shalini is charming in a way and talkative ..I love talking to both of them. We have long funny conversations tht always start with Manisha's dirty thoughts. LOL. To be honest, we are all so dirty minded . Haha. Manisha has long long hair and Shalini's hair is often braided neatly. First impression of them, they gave me a strong independent lady type of feel . Very smart and funny too . I cannot think of anymore words to describe them .. Theyre like husky pups .haha.

-Lastly, here's a pic of how my lecturers (the leaders of the pack) looks like to me if he were a doggie ..

Sir Fikree, Sir Dharminder, Sir Joel
Our pack leaders

Dear friends , lets all hope that our plans will work out :)

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well”

—	Ralph Waldo Emerson

LIE TO ME

I do feel guilty after lying .

Okie. My first post is about lies . I admit that I do lie most of the time . Sometimes to save myself , sometimes to protect others . However, I cannot keep this secret in me anymore . I guess the only way to express my self is through starting a blog. I lied to him many, many times . I can't take it anymore . Im a freakin bitch, I cant even face myself in the mirror nowadays . I feel so messed up . Heres what I;m going to do, Im confessing to u , my dear blog:

  I know rite ? but who cares . I want to stay true to myself.

                             


LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT : I dunno since when I had feelings for him, its been months that I kept thinking only about him. yes him. joey calls him mr.cutie. Forgive me God , for I have sinned . Feelings can sometimes drive us so crazy , we will end up doing crazy things . Im talkin about me , Im so crazy, I feel stupid for the things that I do just to have a better sight of him almost everyday in college. I would come early to college and sit at the exact spot to have a clear view of him. what ? Its called pleasure .OMG .  what am I saying? ! It will be minutes of waiting and minutes of joy and when he leaves , I feel down in class, during breaks and throughout the moments in college. Yea . I stalked him too. Many of my friends already know who he is . wtf am i doin ? the secret is no longer one . There is a story to how I met him, so, there was this day where I went to college for a meeting and before it started , I sat in a corner on my own to pass time, and out of nowhere this charming guy just sat beside me and we began talking non-stop for a few hours .Those few hours seemed like forever, I felt like I had found the identical opposite sex of me , someone who I could relate to myself, someone somewhat similiar to me that I cannot describe the feeling in words. After that, he went off cuz he had something to do and we went our ways and since then I had been thinking about him and he replaced lee hom as my daily motivation.Hmm. I guess that I dont have the courage to tell him tht I like him till now ..

The reason is yes , well, hmm, ..............................pure rejection .......

Yea , Im afraid of rejection, I mean its not that I feel like being in a relationship with him, I just hope that he would receive acknowledgement tht I admire him not in a way tht I want him as a companion, no , I just like him as the way he is .. I think he's cute, friendly, kind, helpful yea . I can go on and on.. However, I do not have the right to request him to be mine. This is because I;m a fine young lady who sticks to my principles in life, and tht is to not be associated in any relationship regarding the opposite sex   until I reach the golden age of 21 ! close people have adviced me : pearl, why are u doing this to urself , my replies are simple .. I tell them what I have learnt through my experience :

I have learnt to be serious when it comes to relationships, I listen to my heart, when I like someone, I have no right and do not deserve to tell him that I LOVE HIM because I do not know him enough, I have not learnt anything from him yet , when it comes to the process of learning from someone I like, this will take months, I want to be sure of the person I fall for, I want to have my own confirmation . Many responses from the people I talk to are ure insane , ure crazy, why not now , tell him that u like him NOW , why 3 years later ? WHY? WHY? WHY? this I cant find a possible easy solution to the problem . yes , I may excel in my studies, but I fail to find answers in ways to deliver my message to people who hopes to get opinions from me . God in fact did not make anybody completely perfect in this world . He made us with flaws and imperfections so that we could find the one who can truly turn our flaws into perfections by simly bringing joy into our lives one day. and I surely CANNOT just say tht HE IS THE ONE .. Im sorry that I LIED TO YOU . Im sorry I did not have the courage . Im sorry I put u in my heart every freakin second and just keep thinking about u . Im sorry u didn't know tht I have feelings for u. I told ur friend tht in a few years later, if u were still single , I would tell u the truth ..

Most of my babes have loyal companions but I have my own point of view. Some of them got into relationships just because her friends did.  I do what I want . I dont follow others . Seriously, I think thts insane.

After I decided to put u in the crush category, I started to tell friends about u, :LOL: , u see , I just could not lock those feelings in me , they kept on forcing themselves out of me. I told babe1 first, she laughed and said she also took notice of u before and had some cute descriptions about u, and then babe2 saw u on my phone's screen, she went whos tht , omg pearl u like him? I went I think so and I told her about u too, then my bro guessed u correctly at the upper foyer after many failures ! It soon went on to babe3 who was in the same intake as u, she didnt have to guess she just told me in my face ! PEARL , U LIKE XXX , there , tht one there rite ? OMO,OMO, she just scared the hell out of me , she said lots of girls like him and the head of our studentbody liked him b4 , i kinda freaked out !! looks like I have competition . *evil laugh *. okie enough of the gossip ....now i sound like a drag queen ....

Nowadays, young couples are so frequent it just seems normal in college. I was quite shocked because I was from an all girls high school and now the male population in college kinda puts me in a new society where I gotta get use to being around all types of guys . Im kinda got used to it already but I still miss the all girl situation ... gahhh... I miss them lots!

I guess Im afraid to be alone most of the time even though I accepted Christ a while ago so tht I could fill my mind with his teachings and not go hunting for a boyfriend to keep me alive .. As I get to this age, I kinda understand how it feels to be in isolation especially sleepless nights . okay. yea, I have imsomnia , an illness where I cant go to sleep at night , I think Im nocturnal ... niweiz, I understand his song now ..his feelings during the night , watch the video below , the song I listen to when I think of him at night and also my form six friends in high school whom I left after 2 months to study in college :

                                         ♡lee hom, u indeed sang my heart out ♡


Before another confession, there are 2 pics tht adeline che2 sent me , she asked me to find some designs so tht her tailor can make the prom dress of my choice for me . aww. shes so sweet, today I was supposed to go shopping with her but my hormones were against me and I found period stains the first thing I woke up this morning and I suffered the whole day of cramps ! I hate it ! Sometimes I wish I was a dude , I dont mind carrying something below my body *giggles* LOL

my current choice of design for prom

woookay, I think thts all for today, Ill come clean soon.

"You have to get hurt. That's how you learn."