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| I do feel guilty after lying . |
Okie. My first post is about lies . I admit that I do lie most of the time . Sometimes to save myself , sometimes to protect others . However, I cannot keep this secret in me anymore . I guess the only way to express my self is through starting a blog. I lied to him many, many times . I can't take it anymore . Im a freakin bitch, I cant even face myself in the mirror nowadays . I feel so messed up . Heres what I;m going to do, Im confessing to u , my dear blog:
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| I know rite ? but who cares . I want to stay true to myself. |
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT : I dunno since when I had feelings for him, its been months that I kept thinking only about him. yes him. joey calls him mr.cutie. Forgive me God , for I have sinned . Feelings can sometimes drive us so crazy , we will end up doing crazy things . Im talkin about me , Im so crazy, I feel stupid for the things that I do just to have a better sight of him almost everyday in college. I would come early to college and sit at the exact spot to have a clear view of him. what ? Its called pleasure .OMG . what am I saying? ! It will be minutes of waiting and minutes of joy and when he leaves , I feel down in class, during breaks and throughout the moments in college. Yea . I stalked him too. Many of my friends already know who he is . wtf am i doin ? the secret is no longer one . There is a story to how I met him, so, there was this day where I went to college for a meeting and before it started , I sat in a corner on my own to pass time, and out of nowhere this charming guy just sat beside me and we began talking non-stop for a few hours .Those few hours seemed like forever, I felt like I had found the identical opposite sex of me , someone who I could relate to myself, someone somewhat similiar to me that I cannot describe the feeling in words. After that, he went off cuz he had something to do and we went our ways and since then I had been thinking about him and he replaced lee hom as my daily motivation.Hmm. I guess that I dont have the courage to tell him tht I like him till now ..
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| The reason is yes , well, hmm, ..............................pure rejection ....... |
Yea , Im afraid of rejection, I mean its not that I feel like being in a relationship with him, I just hope that he would receive acknowledgement tht I admire him not in a way tht I want him as a companion, no , I just like him as the way he is .. I think he's cute, friendly, kind, helpful yea . I can go on and on.. However, I do not have the right to request him to be mine. This is because I;m a fine young lady who sticks to my principles in life, and tht is to not be associated in any relationship regarding the opposite sex until I reach the golden age of 21 ! close people have adviced me : pearl, why are u doing this to urself , my replies are simple .. I tell them what I have learnt through my experience :
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| Most of my babes have loyal companions but I have my own point of view. Some of them got into relationships just because her friends did. I do what I want . I dont follow others . Seriously, I think thts insane. |
After I decided to put u in the crush category, I started to tell friends about u, :LOL: , u see , I just could not lock those feelings in me , they kept on forcing themselves out of me. I told babe1 first, she laughed and said she also took notice of u before and had some cute descriptions about u, and then babe2 saw u on my phone's screen, she went whos tht , omg pearl u like him? I went I think so and I told her about u too, then my bro guessed u correctly at the upper foyer after many failures ! It soon went on to babe3 who was in the same intake as u, she didnt have to guess she just told me in my face ! PEARL , U LIKE XXX , there , tht one there rite ? OMO,OMO, she just scared the hell out of me , she said lots of girls like him and the head of our studentbody liked him b4 , i kinda freaked out !! looks like I have competition . *evil laugh *. okie enough of the gossip ....now i sound like a drag queen ....
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| Nowadays, young couples are so frequent it just seems normal in college. I was quite shocked because I was from an all girls high school and now the male population in college kinda puts me in a new society where I gotta get use to being around all types of guys . Im kinda got used to it already but I still miss the all girl situation ... gahhh... I miss them lots! |
I guess Im afraid to be alone most of the time even though I accepted Christ a while ago so tht I could fill my mind with his teachings and not go hunting for a boyfriend to keep me alive .. As I get to this age, I kinda understand how it feels to be in isolation especially sleepless nights . okay. yea, I have imsomnia , an illness where I cant go to sleep at night , I think Im nocturnal ... niweiz, I understand his song now ..his feelings during the night , watch the video below , the song I listen to when I think of him at night and also my form six friends in high school whom I left after 2 months to study in college :
♡lee hom, u indeed sang my heart out ♡
Before another confession, there are 2 pics tht adeline che2 sent me , she asked me to find some designs so tht her tailor can make the prom dress of my choice for me . aww. shes so sweet, today I was supposed to go shopping with her but my hormones were against me and I found period stains the first thing I woke up this morning and I suffered the whole day of cramps ! I hate it ! Sometimes I wish I was a dude , I dont mind carrying something below my body *giggles* LOL
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| my current choice of design for prom woookay, I think thts all for today, Ill come clean soon. "You have to get hurt. That's how you learn." |
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